*UPDATE* I felt it was in the best interest of humanity to share this link with everyone. It is the greatest review ever written for any movie, and most certainly for Transformers 2. I give you "Michael Bay has Finally Made an Art Movie" [link]

Because I haven't read a single honest review of this movie. Every review has been a bullshit fest. This is a real review of this movie, telling you what you need to know, without spoiling the goods.

Michael Bay has made only two sequels in his career: Bad Boys 2 and Transformers: ROTF. And, believe it or not, they both have a lot in common. The first Bad Boys was a budget effort, with Bay working within constraints of time, funding, and company oversight. The first Transformers was likewise. That film was shaped largely by company skepticism, budget restrictions, and time. Bad Boys 2 is Bay unleashed. It is his masterpiece of mayhem, offensive comedy, and explosions. ROTF is also Bay unleashed.

I'll lay it down right now and say ROTF, like BB2, kicked all kinds of ass and delivered some terrific robot carnage. It's really less of a sequel to the first film and more of an extension, which I liked. It felt less like a 'here's your big movie, chew and swallow' and more like a serial story, where the characters keep moving on even after the credits end. They're not too eager to kill everyone and tie up all the loose ends. It feels more real to me that way, less contrived.

In many ways, ROTF does improve on its predecessor. There's more robot. In fact, there's a robot scene about every other minute. And they interact and perform with the human actors terrifically. Much of the robot dialogue in the first movie was written in post, which is pretty obvious when you pay attention to how many one liners and remarks there are scattered throughout their scenes. This time there is much dialogue and acting and interaction.

Prime takes center stage with as much if not more dialogue than many of the main human characters. Also, another complaint often leveled at the first movie is that Prime basically gets kicked around like a hacky sack by Megatron in the finale. Well, let's just say they make up for it in this movie. Just a little. The other Autobots get a line here and there. They never get to do as much individually as they did in the first film, but they each at least have some moments. It's the difficulty of adding more bots to the roster, but I'm glad they did. It's neat seeing this family of Autobots grow.

On the Decepticon's side of things, Megatron and Starscream are pleasantly chatty as well. Outside of Soundwave, they're the only 'Cons that do much talking or have any personality. In fact, that's where the movie starts losing some of it's polish. The Decepticons lack as much of a distinctive cast as the first film, despite having some uniquely awesome members in their rank. They just don't really get to do much except destroy destroy destroy and get destroyed. Also, just to forewarn those who are pumped about Devastator: he's awesome and exciting, but kind of shafted. He's the 'Bonecrusher' of this movie. The awesome, scene stealing baddie who should have had more to do.

On that note, the one 'Con who really had a lot of personality had nothing to say was Ravage. Ravage was the best evil robot kitty kat of death in the wide world.

Back to comparisons with Bad Boys 2, this movie has action scenes. Atleast one every five or ten minutes. It's packed with brutal robot butt kicking. It's also all steadily shot and clear to see. Not a whole lot of shaky cam, quick cut BS. You get to see all the little details getting blown off, torn out, and otherwise obliterated. However, I noticed that there isn't as much of the 'transforming' going on during their fights. I suspect some of that may have to do with budget, actually. Since more elaborate transforming while fighting scenes would have been a beast to render, on top of all the stuff already in the movie. I feel it's more of a decision of necessity rather than preference. Make no mistake, though, this movie still has tons of neat robot configuring and reconfiguring.

The thing this movie really doesn't improve on is the humor. The comedy relishes in Bay's penchant for offensive, inane humor. And you know what? In Bad Boys 2, it worked great! But in ROTF, not so much. Why? Well, two reasons: Will and Martin. Those two can take scenes like that and make them terrific. They can take all the racial humor and sex jokes and make it roll. But that stuff just doesn't belong in a Transformers movie. It doesn't. End of story. But it's there in ROTF. In rather gratuitous quantities. But, frankly, for every eye rolling sex joke or humping scene (this movie has so much humping) there's fifty dozen more awesome moment that make you even forget you just saw gay dog rape. I mean, I made it through Bumblebee peeing on John Turturro and the masturbation scene in the first movie. If you saw that, then you know what to expect. It really just comes like it belongs in a different movie and decided to invade a good one.

And no matter what anyone says, I saw Phantom Menace three times in theaters and I know very well the abomination that is Jar Jar Binks. The Twins, no matter how retarded and offensive they are, they're still less obnoxious. However, to call the Jar Jar Bots is not entirely inappropriate. Sadly.

The movie lacks a lot of the urgency of the first one. A lot of the mystery and danger is gone. But ROTF is never a bad movie. It's never sloppy, except for the humping scenes, and it's largely a pretty fast paced movie. Once it hits its stride about twenty minutes in, all the dumb scenes are pretty much past you. The movie was sort of pleasant, almost. Like I said before, it really feels like an episode rather than a movie. In a good way. I want to keep watching movies like this. The characters are familiar to me now. Their relationships are set, their world is changing. It's exciting to see the change and growth.

I rather loved ROTF. In fact, when it hits DVD I'll probably watch it more than the first film. It's a simple, uncomplicated movie that gets a little too outrageous for it's own good at point, but never fails to loose step in its run. I look forward to seeing the family of Autobots grow and diversify. I look forward to seeing what scheme Megatron and Starscream concoct to harass the Autobots next. Did I mention Prime kicks some ass?